


I'm in love with you Bucky

by BrightGoldenStar



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Neck Kissing, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 22:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7241671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightGoldenStar/pseuds/BrightGoldenStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve once confessed to Bucky that he is in love with him and it didn't go well. They decide to pretend that Steve never mentioned it. But now it's present day, times have changed, and lots of Bucky's memories have been erased... There is no way he could remember Steve's confession. Steve decides to take a chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm in love with you Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> Hello fellow Stucky shippers! I'm super happy with how this fic came out! I would love to know what you think after you read it so feel free to leave a comment! This is my first Stucky fic so go easy on me please :) I hope you enjoy it! #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend

Steve remembers the day he told Bucky he was in love with him.

He's pretty sure Bucky doesn't. 

Steve thinks Bucky is lucky to not remember.

That was one of the worst days of Steve’s life. 

It was the day he could hear his heart split in two…

It was a cold and rainy night, Bucky and Steve were sleeping over at Steve’s place one last time before he officially moved in with Bucky and his family.

When Steve’s mother had passed away he had feared he’d have to live alone, but Bucky told him he could come live with him and his family from now on. It’s not like Steve was a baby who needed to be cared for 24/7, he could have made it by on his own, but Bucky wouldn’t have it.

Steve was incredibly grateful to have such an amazing best friend. He was so lucky to have Bucky, he thanked God every day for him…

Bucky was fixing up some soup for both of them while Steve looked out the window at the raindrops hitting the street creating puddles…

Ever since his Mom had passed, Steve had felt like the human embodiment of a rainy day. He tried to cheer himself up but it was almost useless. He couldn’t stop thinking about how short life is… His Mom’s death really hit him. What if one day something happens to him and he’s gone? What if he didn’t say everything he wanted to say? Steve didn’t want to have any regrets. 

“Come on man…” He heard Bucky start as he placed a bowl of soup on the lamp table next to him. “Cheer up! I know the weather is a bummer so we couldn’t really do anything today but at least we are still hanging out, and soon we’ll pretty much be together all the time once you move in tomorrow!” 

Steve chuckled a little before his face settled back into a frown. 

“It’s not the weather Buck…” Steve said with a sigh as he ate a small bit of the soup.

Bucky sighed, “Steve I just… I hate seeing you so sad.”

Steve placed down the bowl and looked over at him. Bucky was giving him a serious look. 

“I know you are still hurting from your Mom passing but she wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad forever. She’d want you to live and be happy… I feel the same way. You deserve to be happy Steve.” 

Steve sighed and looked down at his lap, “I know Buck, I’ve just been thinking a lot about how short life is. I don’t want to die some day with regrets, you know?”

Bucky patted Steve’s shoulder and held it with a firm grip, as he did often when they’d have deep talks. 

“Then don’t! Live life to the fullest man, you can do it. Do what you want to do, say what you want to say and have no regrets!” 

Bucky smiled at him before getting up and heading to the restroom, “When I get back I want you feeling better ok?” he told him as walked away. 

Steve began to think about what Bucky had said.

Should he really say what he wants to say?

Truth be told, there was something Steve had been wanting to tell Bucky ever since they were kids…

Steve was in love with him.

 

He knew it was wrong, and he shouldn’t be in love with his best friend but he couldn’t help it. Bucky was beautiful inside and out, with his beautiful blue eyes, his amazing jawline, and his gorgeous hair. Then there was his funny sense of humor, loyal and kind spirit, and the way he always knew how to cheer Steve up. Could you blame him for falling?

But boys don’t date other boys… and Steve knew this. If he and Bucky ever did get together or do anything they’d be treated horribly by society. He didn’t want to go through that, and he most certainly didn’t want Bucky to go through anything like that.

However, Steve knew Bucky could never feel the same. Bucky was such a ladies man, all the girls wanted him. Steve lost count of how many times he had been a third wheel on dates Bucky had gone on and invited Steve along to hang out, he always included Steve in the conversations but even then he felt like he was just there… 

He would always give Bucky and whoever his date was some privacy of course, but that didn’t stop him from being incredibly jealous. He’d see Bucky kissing a girl and his whole body would feel like it was on fire from the painful jab he’d feel in his stomach.

Steve liked girls too, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t. Girls were never interested in him though, and he never liked a girl as much as he liked Bucky. 

For a while, Steve thought he just liked Bucky a little and that his crush would vanish someday. But that wasn’t the case. Steve eventually realized he had been in denial all those years and he loved Bucky… he always had. 

So now Steve’s heart was racing as he waited for Bucky to finish in the restroom. Was he really going to do this? Was he actually going to tell Bucky how he feels?

Bucky knew Steve better than anyone, even better than he knew himself, but this was the one thing he didn’t know. He knew this probably wasn’t going to end well, but he wanted Bucky to know everything. Buck was the only person he truly trusted, he knew he wouldn’t judge him. After years of holding this in, Steve knew that if he didn’t tell him now he would probably go mad.

Bucky walked back into the room and sat next to Steve on the couch, “Come on, I told you I wanted you to cheer up and you look even sadder than before!” Bucky joked.

Steve continued to look down at his hand on his lap, he noticed how they were shaking a bit. Now that the moment was happening, he realized he hadn’t planned how to say this or where to start. But maybe this was better? He could just speak from the heart…

Bucky suddenly realized something was wrong and became worried quickly. He took Steve’s hands in his before asking, “Steve you’re shaking, Steve what’s wrong?!” 

It was quiet for a moment before Steve quietly whispered, still not looking up.

“I love you Bucky.”

Bucky rubbed the back of Steve’s hand with his thumb, “I love you too man” he replied.

“No Buck you don’t-“ Steve began, his voice shaking. “You don’t understand… I-“ 

Steve’s could feel the words stuck in the back of his throat just waiting to come out but he was having the hardest time releasing them.

Bucky let go of Steve’s hand with a confused look on his face, “What are you talking about? Of course I understand, you’re my best friend you know I love you!” 

He could tell Bucky was becoming frustrated, Steve knew he’d have to explain before he just blurted what he need to say out. 

“How can you not see it?!” Steve practically screamed as he stood up and began pacing the room. “Don’t you see the way I look at you?! You’re the most wonderful person I know Bucky! I look at you and I see the sun! When we talk I always get lost in your eyes! Damn it Buck, you make me a better person! You make me so happy, happier than any girl ever could and I hate it because I’m a boy and so are you and UGH sometimes I just wish I was a girl because then maybe-“ 

He stopped himself because he realized he was just rambling by then. By this point, Steve had tears streaming down his face. 

Bucky’s eyes had gone wide, they looked like they were going to pop out of his head…

“I’m in love with you Bucky.”

It was completely silent as they just looked at each other. It was only a minute, but Steve felt like it was an eternity…

Bucky took a deep and shaky breath. “Steve… you can’t… we can’t… I mean, I just... What the hell Steve?!” 

“Look Bucky I’m not expecting anything to happen!” Steve quickly replied, “I just had to get that off my chest, I’ve been holding it in since we were kids!”

“Whoa, since we were kids?!” Bucky questioned, “You’ve… felt this way that long…?”

Steve nodded. Bucky looked like he was in complete shock and like he was processing everything.

“That must be really hard…” Bucky said quietly. “You have these feelings and you can’t do anything about them…”

Steve sighed and nodded again. He decided now to just let Bucky talk, maybe that would make this easier for him.

“Boys aren’t supposed to feel this way about other boys Steve…” Bucky began, “Can we just…”

Bucky looked like he wanted to say something else, like he was holding in what he really wanted to say. Steve could always tell when he did that. Steve knew that whatever Bucky said next, would break his heart. He was completely prepared for it… at least he thought he was.

“Can we just pretend you never said anything?”

Steve felt his stomach drop. 

He could swear he heard his heart breaking…

“Um… yeah we can do that if you want to.” Steve replied, voice shaking.

“I think we HAVE to…” Bucky told him before he stood up and walked over to Steve, pulling him into a tight hug.

It was the last thing he expected Bucky to do, but he was so grateful he did. Steve wrapped his arms around him tightly and buried his face in his chest. He could feel Bucky’s arms wrapped around him too, holding on tightly as well. 

Steve never wanted to let go, feeling like if he did he would lose Bucky forever… 

Bucky then slowly pulled away and held Steve’s face in his hands, leaning down and kissing Steve’s forehead. 

Steve smiled up at Bucky and they looked at each other for a moment, for a second Steve could have sworn Bucky was going to kiss him, but instead Bucky awkwardly coughed and looked down. 

“I’ll just… Uh… Go take a shower…” Steve said before he headed toward the restroom, leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts. 

As he began to turn on the shower water, Steve felt like an idiot. He had just told his best friend his biggest secret by confessing his love for him, and he’d just left him alone to come shower! But he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do or say! He just felt like a complete bonehead! What if Bucky begins to overthink all this and decides not be Steve’s friend anymore?! Steve can’t lose Bucky… He just can’t…

Once he was out of the shower, Steve put on a simple t-shirt and comfortable pants for sleeping. He was expecting Bucky to not still be here when he return to the living room, but instead he saw Bucky laying on the floor tossing a baseball up and down.

Bucky noticed him come in, “Steve you have got to try this, I’m trying to see how long it takes before I accidentally hit myself in the face!” 

Steve laughed and felt himself sigh in relief as he laid down on the ground next to him. 

As they took turns tossing the baseball, they talked and laughed and it truly felt like nothing had changed between them.

If forgetting that Steve had never said anything was what it took to keep his best friend by his side, then Steve was completely okay with this…

 

Now it’s 2016.

So much had happened since that day and Steve had pushed that memory far back in his mind. However, he never forgot it. He’d just forced himself not to think about it, it hurt too much… 

Steve and Bucky were currently staying at T’Challa home in a secure base. Steve and Tony were currently having disagreements and had just had an intense battle, turning friends against each other to fight for what they believe in. To fight for their freedom and to protect Bucky. 

Bucky had decided that going back into the deep freeze chamber for a while was the best choice after all that had happened. Steve was hesitant, he had just gotten Bucky back and now he had to say goodbye again? He knew it wasn’t forever, but it still hurt… 

Luckily Steve had convinced him to at least wait one night before going into the chamber. 

T’Challa provided them with two bedrooms in a private hallway so they wouldn’t be disturbed... 

Steve tried to fall asleep that night, but he just couldn’t. It was 3am and all he could think about was Bucky. How much he was going to miss him, how much he wished they were sharing a room, how much he loved him. 

Oh boy did he love him. He loved Bucky so much…

Suddenly he remembered that night. 

The night he told Bucky how he felt. He remembered it all, how Bucky had said to pretend he never said it, how they held each other, how Bucky had kissed his forehead, and how he thought he might kiss him…

Steve sighed, he knew it was nothing but a memory now. His own memory…

There was no way Bucky remembered any of that. After all the memory wiping Hydra had done to his brain, Bucky’s memories were all clouded and foggy. Something like that… no. He didn’t remember, it was impossible. 

Suddenly Steve had a crazy idea. 

Why not tell Bucky again? 

He’s about to go into the deep freeze chamber so if it was awkward, they wouldn’t have to feel awkward for long. Plus now that it was 2016, times had changed. Maybe there was a chance…

No. There was no way Bucky would want to be with a guy, he liked girls to much right? 

Steve spent an hour just lying in bed debating with himself over it... Eventually he decided to just take a chance.

He slowly got up from his bed, his feet felt like his feet weighed a ton as he made his way out of the room. He didn’t have to walk for long since Bucky’s room was right next door. 

Steve slowly lifted his hand and knocked on the door. He was beginning to think this might be a dumb idea but he knew if he didn’t do it, he’d regret it.

Bucky opened the door after a moment, “Oh hey Steve, couldn’t sleep?”

“Nope not at all, mind if I come in?” Steve asked hesitantly. 

“Of course man, I can’t sleep either” Bucky answered, quickly moving over a bit so Steve could come in.

Steve sat on the bed and Bucky joined him after closing the door. 

“So pal, why can’t you sleep?” Bucky’s voice was so calm as he placed a hand on Steve’s back lightly rubbing it.

Bucky’s hand on his back was so soothing that it calmed Steve down. Being with Bucky always made him feel like everything would be okay, even in danger. Steve always knew no matter what happened, Bucky would be there to comfort him. 

Steve looked over at him and smiled comfortably, “Just got a lot on my mind… I’ve always loved the way you rub my back.”

Bucky chuckled, “Well good, I like knowing I can comfort you.”

Steve felt his heart swell with happiness hearing Bucky say that to him. 

Suddenly his confidence grew, he could do this. It would be okay, Bucky would still be here for him even if he didn’t feel the same way. 

“Hey Buck… I need to tell you something and I don’t know how you’re going to take it but I know it won’t change anything because you’re my best friend. Nothing will change that.”

Bucky’s face became serious as looked over at Steve. “Is everything okay?”

Steve took a deep breath before answering, “Yeah everything is fine I just need to get something off my chest…”

Bucky nodded and Steve looked right into his eyes.

“I love you Bucky, but not just… as friends… I’m in love with you Bucky. I wanted to tell you before you went back to sleep in the deep freeze chamber.”

Bucky’s eyes grew wide, just like they had back when Steve had originally told him. Steve was beginning to think maybe he should have kept his mouth shut…

He thought maybe he could try and say something else to maybe make it less awkward, but before he could think of what to say, Bucky interrupted his thoughts.

“You’ve told me this before haven’t you?” 

Now Steve was the one with the shocked expression and wide eyes. 

“Wait… you remember?! But- How- Your memory was wiped… I didn’t think… I didn’t think you would remember that…” Steve said, completely flabbergasted. 

Bucked looked like he was thinking really hard, “I mean, it’s all kind of fuzzy but I remember you saying that and I…”

Steve noticed Bucky’s body tense up, he couldn’t tell what he was thinking…

“I remember feeling… broken that day. Because I knew I had to hide how I really felt…” 

Steve could have sworn he heard wrong, “You what?” he questioned.

Bucky smiled in a very bittersweet way as he placed a hand on Steve’s cheek, rubbing his thumb across it. Steve could feel the heat in his face and he knew for sure his cheeks had turned red, but he didn’t really mind. He just loved the feeling of Bucky holding his face.

“Steve, I remember acting like I felt nothing that day…” Bucky began, “But the truth is I was scared. I knew that if I did anything- if WE did anything and somebody found out we would be treated horribly. People would judge us and you used to get beat up so much already that I just couldn’t bear the idea of anyone beating you more… That night I thought someone might beat you to death if they found out two boys we’re together. So when I didn’t return your feelings, it was because I wanted to protect you. But now… times are different, when I was living alone I saw same sex couples holding hands and kissing on the streets. I know it’s okay now, I mean it’s obvious some people still don’t accept it but that’s life. Plus now, it’s pretty obvious you can kick some ass if anybody tries to wrong you! I guess what I’m trying to say is… life is too short for me to hide how I feel for you…”

Steve felt like he was dreaming, but this was actually happening... he felt the biggest rush of happiness he’d ever felt.

“I’m in love with you too Steve Rogers. I always have been.”

Steve wasted no time before crushing his lips onto Bucky’s.

The kiss was passionate and needy as they wasted no time to begin exploring each other’s mouths. It was a kiss 70 years in the making.

Bucky pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, by now they both had red cheeks and red lips. They were both wrecked and completely gone for each other, Steve felt like he was on a cloud.

Bucky leaned in and began kissing Steve’s neck, making Steve moan. “I’m sorry it took me so long to say it…” Bucky said between kisses.

Steve laughed, “You were worth the wait Buck… You were worth the wait…”

**Author's Note:**

> Did y'all' like it?? Should I write a part 2? If enough people want me to I will, I still need to write a part 2 to another fic but if enough people want a part 2 to this I'll write one! Fair warning, if I write a part 2 it will basically be smut lol 
> 
> BUT ANYWAYS, Thanks for reading!!!


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